31-year-old woman considers ending relationship with partner of 3 years because his 14 and 12-year-old kids continually reject her: 'I want to be a mom'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 10, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Few people become parents while in a relationship and then expect to be on the hunt for another partner at some point in the future. Nonetheless, that is exactly what happens to many. Couples break up, people leave unexpectedly, and sometimes, they even pass away. 

For those who are faced with the prospect of being a single parent, deciding whether or not to date again can be a dilemma. On the one hand, already having kids should not be a barrier to experiencing love with somebody new. On the other hand, parents have a responsibility to their family to make sure that any partner they choose is a good fit for their lifestyle.

As every single step-parent horror story shows, plenty of moms and dads get this wrong. However, while creating a happy home environment is the main duty of the adults, it's important that the children contribute in some ways as well.

 

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  • 01

    AITA for considering ending my relationship because my partner's kids clearly don't like me or want me around?

    1 (31f) started dating Mark (34m) 3 years ago. Mark is a single dad to a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. The mother of Mark's children di d 11.5 years ago. He dated very little after her death before we met but had dated some. I was his first relationship after the passing of his late partner.
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10492624896
    via Molly the Cat

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One woman found herself dealing with this dilemma after she reached her limit in her relationship with her boyfriend's children. The couple had been together for three years, and she was his first partner after their mother had passed away over eleven years ago. 

    Despite the fact that she had been in their lives for two years and that the couple had attempted different methods at building a connection, the two kids had refused to warm to her. 

    The woman was left in a position where she was considering ending the relationship, as she wanted to be a mom and didn't feel that it was fair to bring more children into the situation as it was. The rest of her partner's family had made it clear that they liked having her around, and she wondered if she was being too severe.

  • 03

    "We have gone slow. Nothing works"

    As a couple we work well together and share a lot of the same values and goals in life. We can have fun together but have been able to discuss the serious stuff. I get along well with his family but not his kids. From the start (2ish years now) they have been cold and unwelcoming. Mark has spoken to them, he told me they're in therapy and he has encouraged them to give me a chance. But they can't hide the fact they don't want me around. We have gone slow and have tried to find ways to ease the t
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 04
    My partner has spoken to a therapist and has done some therapy with his kids and implemented suggestions given but those methods were a waste of time. Nothing changed. I know these things take time. I don't expect sunshine and rainbows overnight. But the more time we spend together the more I feel his kids dislike of me. Even when I'm just there and not trying to engage and existing in the same house as them the tension can be felt. They ignore me. Won't even look at me. Yet they still radiate t
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 05

    "I feel like we're facing reality"

    I know my partners family have talked to the kids about giving me a chance. I don't know if that helps or makes it worse. I feel like we're facing a reality of they might never accept me or like me. And now I'm considering ending this relationship because I want to be a mom and I don't want to wait too long. And even if I waited until his kids were out of the house then how would that be fair to have kids who'd have half siblings who would refuse to have anything to do with them or who won't eve
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 06
    My partner and I talked about it. He said he'll understand if it's too much. We're taking some time so I can think. Since this his sister reached out to me after I didn't show to a couple of things and asked if things were okay and she told me she hoped she wasn't intruding too much but she wanted me to know how happy I made her brother and how nicely I fit with the family and she understands the kids aren't too welcoming but it would be such a shame for me to walk away. It made me feel bad beca
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10492625152
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 08

    Commenters sympathized with a heartbreaking situation.

    Tremenda-Carucha Actually, this is quite an eye-opener. The op's concerns for her happiness (with a touch of foresight) and the well-being of her future children are commendable, especially when faced with such hostility from her stepkids. Not blaming, really, NTA: it's sensible to consider the needs of all involved in a new relationship, even if it's tough love.
    via Tremenda-Carucha
  • 09
    NeighborhoodOk986 This is/will be a super unpopular comment but the kids (especially the oldest is kinda/sorta a AH). The youngest one will follow the oldest's lead especially about a newcomer. 14 is old enough to understand that after 2 years (they still don't live together) she isn't coming to replace their mother, she's additional support etc. I can totally understand their behaviour for the first year, but unless OP has done something intentionally or unintentionally unforgivable/offensive t
    via NeighborhoodOk986
  • 10
    Sweet-Interview5620 It's probably more to do with the fact for most of their lives 11 and a half years they have their dad all to themsekves and he had no life but them. Now they see him spending time with her even though they don't want him to and he's taking her side. It might not even be about thinking she's replacing their mother but more they are used to the status quo So if they were happy they don't care if their dad wasn't as he didn't act miserable to them before he met her. Idk just an
    via Sweet-Interview5620
  • 11
    Flat Criticism6440 Makes me wonder if the kids will ever accept their dad being in a relationship, even after their grown and moved out. I feel sorry for OP, but the father as well.
    via Flat_Criticism6440
  • 12
    Ariax1x Absolutely. It's heartbreaking for both OP and the father because it seems like no matter what, the kids just aren't open to accepting someone new in his life. Even if OP steps back, will they ever be okay with him moving on. It's a tough situation all around.
    via Ariax1x
  • 13
    simpaholic My siblings and I grew up in a similar situation. It is likely that the 14 and 12 year old will mature as they get older. That may not be worth banking the relationship on though. Definitely don't see her as being an a hole for leaving or considering leaving; kids tend to heavily idealize the deceased parent and you really can't compete with that. If they are at all like my family they will eventually come to terms with things but they may have a lot of anger or other emotions and nob
    via simpaholic
  • 14
    dataslinger NTA I'm considering ending this relationship because I want to be a mom and I don't want to wait too long. Sounds like the kids just aren't going to come around and you can't put some things on hold for too long. Love isn't enough when he has kids who don't want you around. Time to go find a better relationship situation.
    via dataslinger
  • 15
    Howunbecomingofme Agreed. This situation only gets worse. I feel really bad for the father as well. I'd ask them what they expect from their father? They think he should be alone forever? How are they gonna feel to see their dad completely shattered after they crash and burn his relationship? They shouldn't be punished for their feelings but I wonder if they actually realise how much harder and sadder this makes their dads life
    via Howunbecomingofme
  • 16
    bdayqueen NTA - If the kids aren't open to you, it won't get any better. If you have children, the older ones will be mean or ignore the younger ones. It's not healthy. Move on.
    via bdayqueen
  • 17
    Equal_Factor_6449 NTA. If you bring in a baby in this setup, the relationship is going to get worse. You want a baby, you can't have it with him while the kids are living with him.
    via Equal_Factor_6449
  • 18
    Interesting Wing_461 Forty-two years ago, I was in your situation and I ended up walking away. He was a wonderful man. I got along wonderfully with his extended family but his children treated me horribly. I realized that it would never get better. A year later, I met the love of my life and we have a beautiful daughter and grandson. Just celebrated our 40th anniversary! You deserve to find your happiness too.
    via Interesting_Wing_461
  • 19
    Proud-Geek1019 NTA. Here's the thing - his sister, while well meaning, is looking out for his brother - not you. You have to do what is right for just you, and not let anyone else interfere with that.
    via Proud-Geek1019
  • 20
    ApprehensiveRoad8818 NTA Please don't bring innocent babies into this mess. Find yourself a nice guy without kids, or someone who has kids who love you and are excited for little siblings. Does your partner even want more children? It's just going to strain his relationship with his kids even further.
    via ApprehensiveRoad8818
  • 21
    Extension_Grade_2316 OP He does. This is something we both wanted.
    via Extension_Grade_2316
  • 22
    Impressive Moment786 NTA-two years is a long time to be involved with someone and their kids to still not like you. The extended family getting involved and telling kids how they should feel and what they should do is not going to help your cause.
    via Impressive_Moment786
  • 23
    LostInNothingBox You are in a no win situation. The more he asks the kids the more they'll feel pressured or forced. That won't help anyone.
    via LostInNothingBox
  • 24
    SunshynePower NTA because this situation isn't going to get better. Why waste time being miserable (they are a package deal) when you could be looking for someone who can fit you in to their ENTIRE life, not just part of it. Right now, you are only present in part of his life. You deserve better. It's a cr ip situation because he's NTA either. Go be where you are fully welcome. Otherwise you will regret staying here.
    via SunshynePower
  • 25
    Crystalskyye NTA. Your just bein real w/ urself. u can love someone n still realize the situation ain't healthy or fair for u longterm.
    via Crystalskyye
  • 26
    prettyy_pussy NTA Honestly, you're incredibly self-aware and compassionate for how you've approached the whole situation. You're not asking for the kids to suddenly love you, just basic respect and the space to build something real. that's not selfish, that's human
    via prettyy_pssy
  • 27
    Substantial-Air3395 It's not going to work. Best to cut your losses and move on.
    via Substantial-Air3395

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